Change...

Well, a new semester has begun, and I've bought all my books, but the only thing I am excited, at all, about is returning to the Center. I wasn't planning to return this semester--hence my last "Goodbye" post, but I am so glad I changed my mind. I changed my mind for various reasons--the student writers are great, the other consultants are super, the selection of candy is always divine--but, perhaps the number one reason I decided to return is that I just plain missed it, all of it.

It's odd, the effect consulting can have on an individual. (When I say individual, I really mean me.) Seeing new faces around the center reminds me of how much change occurs within the walls of the center, within the peoples of the Center. There, change occurs on various levels. Sometimes, change occurs almost invisibly within a session--like that "ah ha!" realization that happens silently, internally within a writer. Sometimes, it's a little more external and noticeable--"There's Snickers instead of Smarties!" And, at other times, change is thunderous and impactful...

It's weird to consider myself a consultant. It wasn't always that way, and there were times I thought I'd never be of any help to writers. When I entered the Center a little over a year ago, I was scared, unsure, and confidence was something I only pretended to possess. It all felt so overwhelming. On top of trying to get to know the other consultants, get an A in the tutoring class, understand the writing center lingo, and understand the grammar unit, I was supposed to figure out how to consult, too?

"I'll never do it." I thought. "It's too much."

Luckily, my outlook on the center, on myself, and on consulting has changed. Because this is a blog, and not my personal 900-page memoir, I'll spare all of you the finite details, but I will say that I'm glad I never gave up. There were times that I wanted only to hide in bed, instead of going to class and admitting that I did not understand Kolln, had a bad session yesterday, or felt that I had failed in helping a fellow writer. And, for a while, the negatives consumed my thoughts and shook my confidence. The negatives took control, and it wasn't until about halfway through my first semester that I realized that I was failing to realize the positives. Truthfully, the positives outweighed the negatives by a few tons. And, in my own silent, internal "ah, hah" moment, I realized that I was simply being myself and figuring out the whole consultant thing, in my own way.

Despite my stumblings and despite my shortcomings, I was becoming a consultant. I was different from all of my fellow consultants. And, those consultants were unique and different from one other...

I see the new faces around the Center, and they remind me that change always happens; it will never stop happening. Change can be intimidating, but it can be satisfying, too. I look forward to watching the many changes that will occur within the Center this semester--within me, within the candy bowl, and, most of all, within the consultants.

Each new consultant is different and will handle becoming a consultant in different, unique ways. Each new consultant will also bring his or her own perspective, his or her own process, his or her own change into the Center.

I'm thankful that I'll be around to see it...